RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
