WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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