I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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