I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
