Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
birth control should be required to get into college
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize