I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You were trust falling into bushes
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
