I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I think I am morally bankrupt
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
