You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
