i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
