I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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