Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
