You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
