so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
there is glitter all over my balls
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
