they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
