Porn is love you can see.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I would ride that face into the sunset
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
