I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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