Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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