hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
