Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Randomize
