i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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