things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
