Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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