YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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