it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
