I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
