Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
