haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
