I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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