bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
