He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
