Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
