Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
