that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I can text with my tongue
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
