Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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