do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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