what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
