I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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