i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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