where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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