Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
