So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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