I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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