Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
