I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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