Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
