apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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