One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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