Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I am in a vortex of obligation.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
worst night to have a conscience
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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