We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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