He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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