Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
