He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
