We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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