watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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