I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
