So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
