Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
