He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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