My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize