i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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