very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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