i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
