They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
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