it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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