I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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