When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
