It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
