that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
