am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
