Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
