I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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