If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
