the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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