I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
