I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
