I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
