Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
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