FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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