I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
