So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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