So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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