At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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